Swamp Christians

Okay, I’ve come up with a term that just sends Nearest into a storm of giggles every time I use it:

“Swamp Christian.”

You know the type.  Snake-handlers, Leviticus-First, If-English-Was-Good-Enough-For-Jesus.  Think the Big Bang was about the creation, instead of the movement of objects through space.   Use the term “evolutionism.”  Turn a blind eye while the priest grabs the boys or the pastor grabs the girls.  Show up celebrating gay funerals.  Try to treat adults like kids.  Stand up in legislatures and do obvious grabs at political power.  Wear ‘way too much makeup on TV and always end a culture-war rant with a demand for funds — or drool over the people who do.  Start cults where they lock up un-submissive women.  Yada yada yada.

The kind of people Jesus would have slapped his own forehead over, groaning, “God!  I thought I made this stuff simple enough!  I meant: ‘Do the right thing and don’t be a jerk!’ “


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