Dear Mr. Obama:

You did a fine job chewing out the nation’s butt, because a lot of us needed it.  Sometimes getting smacked upside the head just feels good.

Now it’s my turn — and since I’m YOUR boss, you just sit down and listen.  I got something to say to you, and if Michelle (hi Michelle!) is reading over your shoulder, I hope you duck.

We saw you toughing it out in a suit at the podium.  We saw that grin on the reviewing stand and you realized all those soldiers were now yours.  We saw you marching up the avenue, having a great time.

We also saw Michelle and Neilia.  You think you were tough?  You look like Fred Astaire (the ears and all)  — you even quoted him — and you remember what they said about Ginger?  “She did everything he did, but backwards and in heels.”

We saw those full-grown women suffering.  We saw them freezing their butts off and balancing along on stilettos.  Michelle wants to be First Mother.  She should remember that you don’t put your kid’s oxygen mask on first — you put your own on.  The cubs ain’t gonna survive if the lioness don’t.

Rather than going into saying what these two public women should be wearing, I’m going to point out the secret service woman who was swinging along behind Hunter.  She was like a cross between “The X-File’s” Dana Skully and Jorja Fox’s character on “The West Wing.”  She looked warm, comfortable and grounded.  She radiated confidence.

Yes, the First Lady and the Vice President’s Lady needed to be dressed up for the parties — but when they were outside they needed to look warm and strong.  They didn’t have ten minutes to change?

Barack, here’s a suggestion:  Have that secret service lady pick out a couple of NICE outfits, flat shoes, slacks, nice shirt, long black overcoat, gloves, and a NICE scarf.  Then you and Joe present them to your wives.

And APOLOGIZE.

And Michelle?  If he’s snorting at this or saying it’s silly — NOW you can smack him.